Wednesday, June 6, 2012

My heart belongs to January

Yes, my heart belongs to January. As written in earlier post, a few years ago I was told I had PCOS and it would be hard for Matt and I to become pregnant. Because of the PCOS, I do not start a cycle on my own and take meds to help start one each month. Well in April, I started one on my own. When this happened, I did not know what to do. I did continue to take the last order of clomid I had and as a result Matt and I found out we were pregnant three weeks later. This was on a Sunday. The next day I went to the dr to get my levels checked and they too showed I was pregnant. I was beyond excited but yet scared. I was told to return on Wed to get them checked again and received a dreaded phone call the next day telling me my levels did not double like they are suppose to and I would be miscarrying in the next week. This was the Thursday before mothers day. So that weekend was very emotional for Matt and I. I had to go back on Monday to get my levels checked again and the result shocked us and went up. We were told we were still pregnant but just not as far along as we thought we were. I continued checking my levels every two days and they continued to rise. Until, last Monday. Last Monday, I started spotting and Tuesday it continued full force. I did not know what to do or how to handle myself. I was told to come in by the dr and was told i may have an ectopic pregnancy meaning everything was attached to my tube instead of where it needs to be. This could be critical for a women so we continued to check my levels and they started to drop. I had to do this for the next week. Then I got yet another call telling me the went back up. I was baffled. How can they go up? I was told to come in again and needless to say they turned around and went back down. As of right now they are still dropping.
 Our due date for our little one was January 10, 2013. We already had names picked and had our surprise announcement in the making all because I WAS PREGNANT. Through all of this God has allowed me to see his beautiful promise that one day Matt and I WILL become parents. There is no pressure on us anymore and we see the possibilities. This roller coaster ride will not stop us from becoming parents but will help us press on. But for a short time I became a mother and Matt a father. For a short time, I was Pregnant. But forever, my heart will belong to January!

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